Anthony Tshering
A Guide To Spirituality: Being versus Doing

I read a wonderful piece in Tricycle magazine today about what a spiritual life looks like. The timing for me to read it was perfect. It’s something I’ve been trying to make sense of recently.

We are very much a doing world. Even the language of therapy is often about doing. Everyone seems to come in and say to me, “I need to work on myself,” or “I need to work on my relationships.” The sentiment is understandable. We are a self-improvement culture. Our lives are viewed linearly, our lives a constant striving for self-improvement with a beginning, middle, and end. There is much usefulness in seeing the world this way. It is goal-orientated and results-focused first and foremost. It has helped create the world around us, including the computer I type on now or the smartphone I use to answer my emails and check social media. A lot of us internalize this productive voice and hear it in the daily chatter of our thinking self and assume this is who we are.

A Guide To Spirituality: Being versus Doing
Meaning, Spirituality
Anthony Tshering
Reflections on God, Death, Meaning and ...

“Do you pray?” I once asked a patient.

“No, I’ve never been able to for some reason” she paused. “Do you?”

“No,” I said. “Because I don’t know if anyone is listening.”

It has always struck me as inconceivable that someone is listening to prayer. How can people be sure of some divine force in their lives? Even such Christian luminaries such as Martin Luther King and Mother Theresa experienced their doubts about God. I am no different. God does not speak to me in tongues or voices. All I hear are silent ellipses where I sense holiness in the mundane, the awe-inspiring in the ordinary. God has always seemed like an inelegant, hollow solution to the problem of meaning and death.

Reflections on God, Death, Meaning and Spirituality
Anthony Tshering
Everything's Amazing And Nobody's Happy: The ...

Everything's amazing and nobody's happy- Louis C.K.

“To live fully is to live with an awareness of the rumble of terror that underlies everything.” 
― Ernest Becker

A few years ago, a patient of mine wondered out loud why he was unhappy. After all he was a successful lawyer, involved in a loving relationship with a partner, lived in one of the nicer neighborhoods in Brooklyn and had a group of close friends whom he saw socially. So what was wrong? "Something just doesn't feel right. I have the gnawing feeling that something should be different," he said. 

Everything's Amazing And Nobody's Happy: The First Step Toward Emotional Change

A Retrospective On 2017 And Some Thoughts About 2018

A Retrospective On 2017 And Some Thoughts About 2018

It's grey here in Vancouver. Grey skies spilling grey rain on to grey asphalt streets. Grey jackets with grey people with blank expressions on their grey faces. The grey wind makes me shiver with each passing gust. It is less a winter wonderland, more the despairing winter of The Waste Land. 

But all this greyness gives me time to reflect on the year that has passed. So much has happened. In one sense the world feels like it's falling apart. Climate Change runs amok. The champions of greed and avarice seem to be winning as people continue to suffer. Nuclear war may be upon us soon. And Deepak Chopra is getting rich. 

But personally, this year has been one of great growth. I've managed to keep up a blog consistently, which is no small achievement. I've started my own psychotherapy practice that is doing well if not outright thriving. I have healthy relationships, including romantic, friendships and family. I am also in better shape than I've ever been.  I moved into my own place, which is a luxury most people in New York City cannot afford. And I feel less anxious and more connected to my everyday life than I have maybe ever. In short, I am content in a way I have never been. 

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Visiting Home

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I'm currently at San Jose Airport now to head to Seattle and Vancouver for a few days. This year, I went to visit my parents as I do every year around the holidays. I don't get to see them much anymore. Living in New York makes it impossible to visit except for maybe twice a year. 

This year felt especially hard for me. Watching my parents get old is especially tough. My father, in particular, has turned into an old man. He lives with pain and constant arthritis. He walks slowly. His hand shakes. His hearing is going. His eyesight is poor. It can feel heartbreaking to watch.

We had a conversation last night that was especially poignant, I thought. He talked about knowing he will die soon and about passing on his legacy to my brother and I. He talked about some of the connections he had made in recent years that have sustained him. But he admitted that he accepted his death but that it scared him. How could it not? He wanted nothing more than for me to get married before he left the earth. 

And then this morning, my mom seemed heartbroken by the prospect of me leaving and only visiting for a few days. Again, it was hard for me to watch as she nearly teared up.  I seem to live with a lot of guilt. Or maybe it's a lot of empathy. I can feel the deepness of a person's pain acutely. And it made me wish for a brief second that I lived in California still, that I had not chosen the "selfish" path and moved away to find my own life. 

I don't know what to do with these feelings besides accepting them as they are. Life is often sad. People get older. I'll get older and older. It's just the way things are. It's not easy or particularly fair. But that doesn't stop it from happening. 

Chogyam Trungpa, Malcolm X and Spiritual Materalism

Chogyam Trungpa, Malcolm X and Spiritual Materalism

Chogyam Trungpa is surely one of the more polarizing and controversial figures in the recent Buddhism zeitgeist. He was definitely an alcoholic. He slept with many of his students, many of which were married. He might have had a serious cocaine habit, according to John Steinbeck IV. And according to the poet, W.S. Merwin, he made everyone strip naked at a Halloween party against their will. These are hardly the actions of what I might call a moral person. 

But at the same time, he is widely respected as one of the great spiritual teachers of his age by many people who I admire. Pema Chodron was one of his disciples considers him an enlightened being. He started the only Buddhist college, Naropa University in Boulder. And he had a number of celebrity students, including Joni Mitchell and Allen Ginsburg. 

I've read two of his books and see his genius and insight into modern life. I can't condone most of his actions, of course, but there's value in spiritual wisdom, despite the messenger, I think. 

 

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Deepak Chopra Is Selling $350 Meditation Glasses. Deepak Chopra Is A Fraud

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Deepak Chopra Is Selling $350 Meditation Glasses. Deepak Chopra Is A Fraud

I've always had an uneasy relationship with commerce and spirituality. (I even feel weird putting ads on this website, even though it's really just to try and pay for the costs of hosting this website). But I do think there is much value in mindfulness meditation and the spread of meditation centers and apps; these things probably help many in our age of anxiety and late capitalism. 

But when I see an article about  "Luxury Meditation Class" in the Flatiron District, or how everyone in Google meditates to essentially be more productive,  my first reaction is to throw up a little in my mouth and then get angry. (From that article, "Johanna Sistek, a trademark lawyer, says the emotional skills she refined in the class help her focus on her many tasks, despite a fire hose of professional demands. Like most of her colleagues, she still faces “instant deadlines” but says they no longer freak her out." This might be the worst thing I've ever read). 

Why does this upset me so? Well, Buddhism is first and foremost about ending suffering. Not just your own suffering but the suffering of all sentient beings. And a Buddhist accomplishes this by following the Eightfold Path.  Meditation is a part of the Eightfold Path, but it is only a small part of it. So much of the Eightfold Path is about morality, including Right Livelihood, which tells us that we cannot choose careers that exploit, and Right Action, which tells we must abstain from killing, sexual misconduct and creating suffering in other people directly. 

And meditating to become productive or lessen your anxiety has so little to do with any morality or ending suffering. It's about lessening your anxiety so you can continue to be productive and a good consumer. An $18 dollar meditation class or Google's meditation centers does little to address any real morality or change in the world. In fact, it's just the opposite: It just reinforces neoliberalism through and through. 

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The Search For Connection

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The Search For Connection

Lately, the common theme in all my sessions is connection. Or more accurately the lack of it in people's lives. It strikes me as salient how many people do not feel seen or heard or valued in their lives. Or do not have anything to connect to that is bigger themselves. 

This strikes me as a problem of modernism. As we get older, we tend to see our friends less as the responsibilities of adulthood-- work and money and family-- take hold. The sense of community in youth or even in college is gone. And the connections we used to get from our partners can start to wane as well as we get busier and busier. And then suddenly, loneliness starts to creep in. And with loneliness, depression, and despair.  People are far more unhappy that you would think. And no one seems to be the real adult we imagine we should be. 

And it's not as if many people get that connection from their work either. Among the people I see in therapy, I'd say about 80% are indifferent to their work or outright hate it. A lot of us, it seems, are just going through the motions to get a paycheck. 

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Climate Change and Self Interest

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Climate Change and Self Interest

 I'm reading Naomi Klein's "This Changes Everything" currently.  I'm enjoying it quite a bit, although it's quite depressing since it main theme is we, as a species, are creating an existential crisis in climate change because we have no interest in dismantling the unregulated capitalism that caused it. 

As the planet heats up the consequences are likely to be disastrous for the nearly 7 billion people living on earth. (If you want to read a particularly apocalyptic article, I suggest this long NY Magazine article from July.) So why isn't anyone doing more about it all? Why is the United States reversing the Paris Agreement?  

The answer lies in an economic principle: self-interest. This was first discussed by the father of economics, Adam Smith, 

"Self-interest refers to actions that elicit the most personal benefit. Adam Smith, the father of modern economics, explains that the best economic benefit for all can usually be accomplished when individuals act in their own self-interest. His explanation of the invisible hand reveals that when dozens or even thousands act in their own self-interest, goods and services are created that benefit consumers and producers."

Recapturing The Feeling of Awe For Life: Using Art To Appreciate Existence

Recapturing The Feeling of Awe For Life: Using Art To Appreciate Existence

“The feeling of awed wonder that science can give us is one of the highest experiences of which the human psyche is capable. It is a deep aesthetic passion to rank with the finest that music and poetry can deliver. It is truly one of the things that make life worth living and it does so, if anything, more effectively if it convinces us that the time we have for living is quite finite.” 
― Richard Dawkins,

I haven't had a spare moment to write today until now unfortunately but I wanted to write a quick blog post. I've been thinking about "awe" lately. There was a time when the feeling of awe, the majesty of existence, was a natural feeling for me. I could see the beauty of the drift of autumn leaves in a light breeze or the wonder of the sunset over the ocean and feel appreciative that I existed even if I was suffering at the moment. And I was acutely aware of my own mortality, which strangely made me more appreciative for each moment. 

I've somehow lost that feeling over the years. I think some of that is that I don't put in a conscious effort to feel that awe anymore. Not meditating as much as I used to is a big part of this. And the truth is it takes work and constant reminders to know that I am alive and that my experience is special. And to be honest, I feel like my iPhone has done unmitigated damage to me in that respect. I spend too much time looking at my screens (as I am now), and I forgot to look and enjoy the beauty of existence. 

Capitalism, Socialism, and Mental Illness

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I've been a bit out of commission today so haven't had a chance to write much. A longer post will have to wait until Thursday. But I don't want to leave you emptyhanded. Here is a piece I enjoyed very much called "Capitalism, Socialism, and Mental Illness" by Dana L. Cloud that I'd like to share with you all. 

The Cloud lecture provides excellent background information and history, which I am largely ignorant of, about the history of capitalism and its effects on the human psyche. (I've tried to dive into the subject but knowledge was lacking a bit). Here is one tidbit I particularly enjoyed: 

"Although the ideas surrounding of mental illness are socially constructed, it is the case that capitalism makes us literally sick with diseases caused by environmental toxins, the stress of overwork, difficulties in supporting a family, hunger and malnutrition, substance abuse, and so on. Capitalism also makes us sick of it, leading to protest and rebellion. A hallmark of militant social movements is to turn around the definitions of mental illness and describe the system itself as irrational and harmful."

I think the paragraph one of the key ideas I always to impart in my writing: even things we consider "facts" or "reality" are social and cultural constructions. (Check out Lisa Feldman Barrett's How Emotions Are Made") for fascinating a neuroscience discussion on how even emotions considered to be universal are constructions of the society we live in). 

Even the idea of a biological or psychiatric disorder is not created on its own but is a directly influenced by the society in which it comes into being. The most obvious psychiatric disorder that fits this category is anorexia. Anorexia can only exist in the context of the society in which it was given birth. And our society just so happens to be misogynistic, oppressive and capitalist. 

Guilt and Pushing Against The Protestant Work Ethic

This morning, I've been struggling to write. It's making me anxious. And when I get anxious, I want to do something mindless like watch YouTube basketball highlights. I suspect I'm not in alone in wanting to avoid what is hard. 

I often think about where my anxiety comes from when it pops up, and I find that it is highly connected to guilt. I have a guilty conscience. There's definitely a gap between what I think I "should" be doing or "should" be acting and what I actually do or actually act. This dichotomy often leaves me feeling like I'm doing something wrong. It's not always a fun way to live. 

I talk about this not because I want to relive my adolescent, confessional Typepad blog days, but because I notice this similar guilt with a lot of people in sessions and with my friends and family. The reasons for this often vary. Maybe they had demanding parents. Or maybe they have a sensitive temperament.

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"Battle Cry Of Freedom" and The American Civil War: Thoughts On the Central Event of American History

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"Battle Cry Of Freedom" and The American Civil War: Thoughts On the Central Event of American History

(I've linked all the books I've mentioned throughout the article to amazon links in case you're interested in reading them.)

Recently the writer, Ta-Nehisi Coates, published a Civil War reading list, "Five Books To Make You Less Stupid About the Civil War." It was in response to White House Chief of Staff, John Kelly, stating, “the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War," which one of the stupider things anyone could say about American history. 

I had read one of the books on the list, "The Life and Times of Frederick Douglas," but not any of the others. I'm a bit of a history nut, so my knowledge of the Civil War, informed by school and the Ken Burns Civil War Documentary, was probably better than most. But still, I knew I was lacking in knowledge about what is undoubtedly the central event in American History. 

Coates praise of one book caught my eye,

"1) Battle Cry Of Freedom: Arguably among the greatest single-volume histories in all of American historiography, James McPherson’s synthesis of the Civil War is a stunning achievement. Brisk in pace. A big-ass book that reads like a much slimmer one. The first few hundred pages offer a catalogue of evidence, making it clear not just that the white South went to war for the right to own people, but that it warred for the right to expand the right to own people. Read this book. You will immediately be less stupid than some of the most powerful people in the West Wing."

So I picked it up and started to read it immediately. In about 2 weeks I've read about 600 of its 900 pages. It's an incredible book, one of the best books I've ever read, and along with Tony Judt's Postwar.